And Now It's Like This.

And now it’s like this.

These words hit me deep in my soul during a yoga class.

I was a puddle.

Crying and releasing years of stories and narratives that were no longer mine to carry. The need for things to be a certain way for me to be happy or content. The way I thought things “should” be. My limiting beliefs around success, happiness, finances. The idea around who I thought I would be and who I actually am. So when the beautiful and insightful yoga teacher Chelsey Korus said those words, “And now it’s like this” with the invitation to release what is no longer serving us, I felt it everywhere. 

It was a reminder of the lesson I kept bumping up against, the gripping of desire vs the allowing of what is. My oh my, was I holding on to some stories tighter than I realized up until that moment on my yoga mat. And I suppose that is the lesson as well, we will keep facing the “thing” until it has taught us what we need for our souls evolution. 

Buddha says that resisting what is is the root of suffering.

This idea of grasping or needing things to be a certain way for us to be happy, fulfilled, abundant, joyful is simply a myth that keeps us in a loop of desire, possible fleeting joy and disappointment. Accepting what is is the key to contentment. This notion is best described by author Tara Brach in her beautiful book Radical Acceptance, “Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.”.  Now this doesn’t mean we can’t or don’t set intentions, goals and a vision for our life. But it does determine how we get there.

This can be a tough pill to swallow in our modern world, where the ideal is work hard for what you want, keep pushing, keep grinding and if you don’t get what you want, perhaps you didn’t work hard enough. This grind culture of constantly striving for things to be different, better or other than what is, is exhausting and puts our sense of joy off in the distance, on the other side of some accomplishment or hardship. If we can understand this notion of Radical Acceptance, how would life feel? 

Understanding that our need for things to be different than they are is a limiting belief. Our life has seasons, and seasons change. Another Buddhist truth that has always resonated with me is impermanence, nothing lasts. The good, the undesirable and the in between. So best not get too attached to our feelings about any one thing, as it will surely change. As opposed to fighting against this truth, we can simply surrender and repeat, And now it’s like this.

“What would it be like if I could accept life--accept this moment--exactly as it is? ― Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

Surrender is the energy required to get into the flow. In this state we can release the grip of wanting, and allow what comes. Being in the flow state makes life feel at ease. Like you can set the intention, take aligned action and then simply allow. A visual of this energy of surrender and flow is being caught in a river. We can hit every rock, grasp for every branch along the way by clinging to the shore, the known. Conversely, we can let go, trust the flow and see where the river takes us, the unknown. One is chaotic, can leave you bruised, beaten and exhausted. The other is a sweet surrender, following the current wherever it may lead. Which would you choose?

I see this in my coaching practice. The tight grasp on the desired outcome. The idea of beating ourselves into perfection and submission to reach our goals. A single step out of alignment could mean the whole vision is tossed aside. I invite my clients (and you!) to step out of this linear, limiting, extreme way of looking at our dreams, visions and goals.

I like to use the analogy of setting your GPS, just as in Google Maps, on your destination. There are multiple routes to get there, detours made available when need be, and the time to destination is in constant flux. We don’t cancel the trip if a roadblock appears, we adjust and forge ahead, changing course when the opportunity arises by accepting what is. We can sit in traffic or at a dead end and complain, or take the offered detour onto the backroad and move on toward our destination. 

We can do the same on our journey toward the destination of our future self. We can sit paralyzed because things don’t go as planned, hang on to the shore, clinging to the old story. Or, we can accept what is, release control, take the detour, let go of the shore and surrender to the flow of life.

All the while saying to ourselves with love, compassion and radical acceptance, And now it’s like this.